Pinko Magazine Hedonism + Activism

Tennessee State Legislator Stacey Campfield (R-Duh) responded today to the Michael Vick plea bargain with the old “killing dogs is better than killing babies or being Mexican” trick I used to pull in debate class in high school:

“Does anyone besides me see the hypocrisy of some on the left who go nuts about Michael Vick and the whole dog fighting thing and yet are the same people who don’t care about the loss of human life caused by illegal aliens or are the same people who fight for the right to kill unborn babies?”

[editors note: I didn't actually take debate class in high school]

Campfield, who’s fancy polka-dotted [read: GAY] blogspot page describes him as “just an average guy,” avoiding the apt but more controversial “batshit crazy virgin” tag, then goes on to make the one single critical argument most missing from the Michael Vick dog-killing controversy:

“If Terry Schiavo was a dolphin or a dog (or a whale) she would still be alive today”

That reminds me of two things. The first thing it reminded me of was when President Bush declared in his 2006 State of the Union address that human-animal-hybrids should be outlawed. [See image at left of actual human animal hybrid.]

Second, it reminded me of how my mom said that if she was Terry Schaivo, she would want a Camden Yards classic, all-beef, all-Kosher ballpark frank hot dog flavored feeding tube. She was able to find the humor in an entire country playing political football with a no-longer living person, and connect it to her own desire for Hebrew-sanctioned ballpark meats. That’s pretty great.

For the record, Rep. Campfield ends on a hopeful, America-can-do, what-if high note:

“Dog fighting is cruel and inhumane. But if Vick could have figured out a way to pit two unborn babies against each other in a fight to the death, maybe we’d outlaw killing children as quickly as we rushed to enhance penalties for crimes involving our pets.”

I imagine that if Michael Vick could figure out a way to pit two unborn babies against each other in a fight to the death, the Atlanta Falcons would have had a better record in 2006. I guess that’s not really the point. It certainly would have added a twist to his Nike contract, given their record on sweatshop labor.

About The Author - Ben Wyskida is a writer, activist, conscientious hedonist and political communications strategist living in Brooklyn. - Visit Ben's site.