Pinko Magazine Hedonism + Activism

I’ve been feeling a little stir crazy, stuffed in a place my office refers to as the “intern pen” and being bombarded with other young journalists’ groundbreaking ideas and analysis (plus their life problems) for hours on end. I need a serious vacation. A nice island vacay was due.

Being that Maui is totally pedestrian, I researched endlessly, hoping to find the next hot thing so as to rub it in the faces of people who are far less trend-adept than myself. THANK GOD I heard about a continental heap of garbage floating between California and Hawaii.

No joke, there is a BLOB OF TRASH twice the size of Texas swirling around in the ocean. It consists of 80 percent plastics and weighs some 3.5 million tons. Approximately. I’m suspicious this even exists, because if it does, its too depressing and I prefer denial. Also why doesn’t everyone know about it yet?

The Algalita Marine Research Foundation in Long Beach claims to have been researching this mass for 10 years. Now dubbed the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, it floats an estimated 1,000 miles west of San Francisco. They also say that just like Kucinich seeing over the oval office desk-its hopeless. It is made up mostly of fine plastic chips and is so big its presumably impossible for us dirty land people to clean up after ourselves. Because it is mostly translucent, there has been no success in photographing this great human footprint.

I could rattle out stats and details about the DoubleTexas Nation of Garbage (aka Jenna and Barbara Bush) but you can find those from so-called “reputable” sources … like this one … and this one.

All they say is: Garbage from storm drains follow some path full of science and end up in the spinning oceanic galaxy of nastiness.

The story that was never told: Nemo almost made it home but a phytoplankton playmate lead him astray into the massive aquatic hurricane of trash. He’s lost forever. His dad never forgives humanity and allies himself with King Triton to form the Human Haters Coalition. They send protesters ashore with picket signs reading “All Drains Lead to the Ocean Assholes!” Years later Reverend Jesse Jackson convinces them to release their oceanographer hostages.

Bright side: Lots of plastic wrappers and bottles and bags means people are consuming. Gotta jet, I’ve got some pack(ag)ing to do.

[Editors Note: The photo is not a slam on Oregon and it's use of bottles, per se. The image just happened to be the only one we could find of the trash heap because you cant even see it because it's all transluscent plastic! thats fucking crazy.]

[Editors Note Update: Oh who are we kidding. Fuck Oregon.]

About The Author - Dinelle is an import to New York from the more green, but less hedonistic city of San Francisco. She recently dropped her delusions of "freelance writing" right out of college and got an internship at The Nation. Where she does stuff for them for free (almost). She wants to save the world, but also loves expensive puppies and can't help but feel the two can't be reconciled. - Visit Dinelle's site.