Pinko Magazine Hedonism + Activism

Dear America,

On Tuesday, voters in Ohio, Texas, Rhode Island and Vermont will have their chance to add their voices to the millions across the country calling for change. Over the course of this election, we have been building a broad collition of Democrats, Independant, and even some Republicans, so that we can have a working majority and finally bring the country together. As I travel around this great country, I am asked one question, more than any other. That question is “Dude, are you a Muslim?”

America: what the fuck?

I’m a complete, god damned Christ-loving Christian. I go to a church called United Church of Christ! Let me say this again. I go to a church with Christ in the fucking name! What do I need to do to put a stop to all this folishness? Do you want me to eat a pork sandwich on Saturday? I’ll do it! Maybe I should get one of those back tattoos with the big cross like Robert Deniro in Cape Fear. Or maybe I could get the praying hands of jesus (who I worship, as a christian) tottooed on my fucking neck! Would that put a stop to all this? Michelle won’t like it, but I’ll do it.

Is it my middle name? Is that what this is about? Yes, my middle name is Hussein. Ok? Do you have any idea how common the name Hussein is? You know, Hillary’s middle name is Diane. Do you see people talking about her middle name? Did you know that Diane was the name of a 1956 Henry Miller film staring Lana Turner? Does that mean that Chelsea Clinton is going to stab some motherfucker in her mom’s kitchen? No?! Will Hillary leave Bill for a strapping grape farmer in the Tuscan valley, a la Diane Lane? I didn’t think so! So why is this such a fucking issue?

But you know what really bothers me? It’s not the fact that the media is supposedly “in the tank” for me but then is all over the fact that I once wore a turban while I was in fucking Africa. Nope, that shit doesn’t bother me. They never say shit about Hillary’s god damned madrin-collared-pant-suit tradgedies and those are a fucking crime against humanity! None of that bothers me. What bothers me is that being called Muslim has become an insult so grave that it could lose you an election!

I would love to be able to talk freely about my experience with Islam. My father was Muslim. So was my step-father. Although I didn’t spend much time with the either of them, they are both important figures in my life. I may be a Christian, but I’ve had my share of Muslim friends too. In fact, most of my firends at the Indonesian public school were muslim. You know, the one Fox News called a madrassah? (I didn’t even know what a madrassah was until I fucking googled it. By the way, madrassah just means “school”.) Has our great and noble nation become so mind-numbingly racist and xenophobic that even being associated with what may be the second, or possibly first largest religion in the world is somehow taboo? I hope not.

I really hope not.

Ah Salam Alaikum,

Barack Obama

p.s. Also, I don’t hate jews. That’s some bullshit too.

About The Author - Stirling McLaughlin is an Art Director, Designer and Illustrator in New York City. Stirling enjoys vegan baking, expensive sportswear and mustard and relish sandwiches. Stirling lives in Manhattan with his wife and daughter. - Visit Stirling's site.