Quick Hits: Final Judgment, Armageddon, End of Days edition
• Today in the DNC Rules and Bylaws Committee will meet to decide the fate of the hundreds of billions of voters in Florida and Michigan who don’t watch TV, or read newspapers, and didn’t get the memo that their votes weren’t supposed to be counted. Unfortunately the committee can’t do anything about the estimated millions (millions!) of people who just didn’t show up.
• Once that hot mess is behind us, and the Clinton campaign stops sucking all the oxygen out of the room, we can finally muster a soft breeze strong enough to blow over McCain’s sad excuse for a campaign.
• If, like much of media, you haven’t been paying much attention to McCain, he has been going on a non-stop gaffe binge for a long time now. Brave New Films has a handy recap:
As it turns out, John McCain’s talk is about as straight as Neil Patrick Harris. ZING!
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I’ve been watching and this Rules and Bylaws Committee meeting is the BEST MEETING EVER.
I Kings 16-27 (New International Version)
16 Now two prostitutes (politicians) came to the king (DNC) and stood before him.
17 One of them said, “My lord, this woman and I live in the same house (political party). I had a baby (political campaign) while she was there with me.
18 The third day after my child (campaign) was born, this woman also had a baby (campaign). We were alone (with seven other candidates); there was no one in the house (party) but the two (nine) of us.
19 “During the night (primaries) this woman’s son (campaign) died because she lay on him (fucked it up).
20 So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son (campaign) from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast (moved the goal posts).
21 The next morning, I got up to nurse my son (campaign)—and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn’t the son (campaign) I had borne.”
22 The other woman said, “No! The living one is my son (campaign); the dead one is yours.” But the first one insisted, “No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine.” And so they argued before the king (DNC).
23 The king (DNC) said, “This one says, ‘My son (campaign) is alive and your son (campaign) is dead,’ while that one says, ‘No! Your son (campaign) is dead and mine is alive.’ ”
24 Then the king (DNC) said, “Bring me a sword (delegates).” So they brought a sword for the king (DNC).
25 He then gave an order: “Cut the living child (campaign) in two and give half (the delegates) to one and half to the other.”
26 The woman whose son (campaign) was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby (campaign)! Don’t kill him!”
But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!”
27 Then the king (DNC) gave his ruling: “Give the living baby (campaign) to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother.” (Or just cut it in half and hope for the best in the ‘08 election.)
[...] have been yelling and screaming (mostly to myself) about how ludicrous Hillary’s “popular vote” claims are. A [...]