Tomorrow is Bastille Day, otherwise known as the REAL Independence Day for Pinko leftie commies like us. In a week where Barack Obama was blasted for "getting most of his ideas from Europe," and where I went to the Shake Shack and did some secret midday eating all up on some Freedom Fries covered in cheese, what better way to celebrate the liberation of the French people than with our first "gay marry it ... or abort it," what's hot/what's not list in months? To the list (!) for a little of what our pinkeyes spied this week ...  Gay Marry It John McCain deciding it's time he figured out HOW TO USE THE INTERNET. ("I am learning to get online myself." Pinko could always use another reader. We assume McCain will find us by googling "Ron Paul viagra," "Vanessa Williams," or his favorite band, "Tokio Hotel."   Abort It John McCain changing which football team he says he recited the names of while in captivity in Vietnam depending on what city he's campaigning in. He told Pittsburgh it was the Steelers, and Green Bay it was the Packers. Classy.  {Bonus abort it: John McCain's shifting story on when he left his first wife for being too short and heavy vis a vis when he married beer baroness Cindy. Oh! And also how he's "unsure" whether condoms prevent STDs. We did a little checking -- while McCaingerous IS older than lubricated condoms (1957) there were in fact condoms when McCain was hitting puberty back in the 1870s.] Gay Marry It We like these non-silk, all-natural cotton ties and might order a couple. (Thanks to Joshua for the find!) Also, non-sequitor, but we love a tall glass of Chocolate Silk on a hot summer day.  Abort It Puma's "Zoo Lux Collection," sneakers featuring a blend of reptile skin, crocodile skin and ostrich skin in one shoe! It's basically a turducken for your foot.  Gay Marry It  Purely Decadent's coconut milk ice-cream. It gives you that roof-of-mouth-covered-in-fat feeling you just need on a hot summer day.  Abort It Summer. I'm having a gay men's health crisis over what the hell to wear. Can anyone recommend a good short? (Also, Gay Men's Health Crisis is actually the best organization ever please donate.)  Gay Marry It  Politaoke! It's this tour that's like, karaoke meets great political oratory. They are having their US Launch next week and then coming to a bar near you!  Abort It Natasha Bedingfield for a pocket of ... me not buying her album. Karaoke this shit and we will cut you.  Gay Marry It  Hulk Hogan for the stunning bombshell that "some of his best wrestler friends" are gay. Hogan joins "Big Sexy" in the growing class of gay-positive competitive wrestling superstars. Woof.  Abort It  VH1's New "I Love Money" for filling up my DVR taking America's consumerist culture to a new low. Bonus "Gay Marry It:" The Green Party (is there anything whiter?) for nominating two women of color -- Cynthia McKinney and hip-hop activist Rosa Clemente -- as their Presidential ticket. We'll have more on this later in the week.  Ideas for next week? Anything good we missed this week? Just Email us! Or drop ideas in the comments.