Pinko Magazine Hedonism + Activism

Lots of crazy stuff happened this week. Ryan Seacrest proved that you shouldn’t swim for at least two hours after having Rhinoplasty. John McCain proved that the entire Republican platform now consists of whining about Barack Obama. And rapper Nas proved that threating Bill O’Rielly with cannibalism actually counts as elevating the debate over at Fox News. Oh, and I apparently turned 29.

While our Editor in Chief Ben is off cavorting on the beaches of Delaware or whatever, the decision of which of this week’s news items are gay married (or aborted) lies squarely on my capable (albeit typo-prone) shoulders. So without further ado…

Gay Marry It

Sharks!

Just when you thought they couldn’t get any awesomer, a shark goes and attacks Ryan Seacrest!

Also, sharks only attack something like 71 people a year and one of them just happens to be Ryan Seacrest? I refuse to believe this is an accident. Those sharks where looking to bite his ass.

Abort It

The Platypus.

Seriously. Is it a duck? Is it a beaver? Make up your fucking mind already! Also, when was the last time a platypus attacked an E! correspondent? By our records… NEVER!

We expect more from our venomous semi-aquatic mammals.

Stupid fucking platypi…

Gay Marry It

John McCain’s new timetable that would have U.S. troops home by July 26th 2008!!!

“Yesterday” was one of several possible timetables that McCain set out on last Sunday’s This Week With George Stephanopoulos. In all fairness, McCain’s statement made a lot more sense in context. But he did sound like he was leaning heavily towards yesterday.

Here at pinko we’re skeptical of any timetable that would require the development of new time travel technology (read: higher taxes) but this does sound like pretty good news.

Abort It

Bad news or, more specifically, ABC, NBC and CBS.

As you may already be aware, Republican pundits have been squawking for weeks about a Tyndall Report study showing that Obama received more than twice the coverage than his Republican counterpart. Well, as it turns out that isn’t exactly good news for Obama.

A new study from The Center for Media and Public Affairs at George Mason University shows that while Obama may have received more coverage during the big three network’s newscasts, that coverage was far more likely to be negative than the coverage of Republican rival John McCain.

No news is good news. Remember?

Gay Marry It

Traveling via Train.

Although not without it’s own limitations, train travel is about twice as fuel efficient as air travel. It also has the added bonus that you don’t need to put all your gels and liquids in those plastic bags (that you will inevitably throw away when you reach your destination anyway).

If that isn’t enough, remember this. The likelihood of a train losing cabin pressure is next to zero.

Abort It

Traveling via airplane.

See above. Also, if you happen to be flying in Australia, there is a high likelihood that you will land with considerably less aircraft than when you took off.

Gay Marry It

Nas.

The Queens rapper’s bleak and often brutally graphic rhymes have always struck me as being more akin to Charles Bukowski than to the sugar coated thuggery of many of his contemporaries.

With his latest song “Sly Fox” he is on shakier ground. While his message is certainly commendable, It’s hard to avoid sounding cliché when you’re target is Fox News. Fortunately Nas has enough lyrical prowess to rise above the well worn subject matter.

And when he delivers lines like ” Only Fox that I love was the red one/Only black man that Fox loves is in jail or a dead one” he speaks with enough passion to avoid sounding like some sort of over eager liberal blogger.

Also, anyone who threatens to bite Bill O’Rielly’s nose off will always get high marks from me.

Abort It

LL Cool J.

Have you heard his latest song “Baby“? If you’ve ever heard any LL Cool J song ever then the answer is more or less yes.

Gay Marry It

Republican Chuck Hagel

Senator Obama’s bunkmate during his recent world tour, has had some pretty harsh words for his “good friend” John McCain. In a recent interview with Bob Schieffer he said that McCain was “…treading on some very thin ground here when he impugns motives and when we start to get into, ‘You’re less patriotic than me. I’m more patriotic … ” He also said McCain’s latest campaign ad wasn’t appropriate.

I know that doesn’t sound like much, but coming from a fellow Republican that’s a pretty harsh denouncement.

Abort It

Republican Ann Veneman. More specifically, this idea that the only way to win over Hillary Clinton supporters and moderate Republicans is to have a moderate female Republican on the ticket. Are we really that cynical? Don’t you think Clinton’s supporters would find this kind of bold-faced tokenism more than a little offensive?

Also, didn’t Mark Penn prove that this kind of politicking doesn’t work?

Bonus Abort It: You’ll notice that sharks didn’t attack Randy Jackson. We find this unfortunate and even potentially racist on the sharks part.

Also, Fuck John Voit.

Ideas for next week? Anything good we missed this week? Just Email us! Or drop ideas in the comments.

About The Author - Stirling McLaughlin is an Art Director, Designer and Illustrator in New York City. Stirling enjoys vegan baking, expensive sportswear and mustard and relish sandwiches. Stirling lives in Manhattan with his wife and daughter. - Visit Stirling's site.