Gay Marry It … or Abort It? 08.03.08 Edition
I’m back from a week on the magnificent shores of Ocean City, Maryland where a mother-fucking SHARK washed up ten blocks away from my house. Hide the kids! This is the DAY of the show y’all. Amazing. And while I did miss out on the shocking Montauk monster and the Great Riptide Panic of ‘08, I managed to follow the news and there is plenty to gay marry and abort from the week that was.
Gay Marry It
The “How Green is Your Candidate” feature at Grist.org, with detailed positions from Barack Obama, John McCain and Ralph Nader on environmental issues. I know there are more important things to talk about (race cards, Paris Hilton, terrorist fist jabs) but it’s a great tool.
Abort It
John McCaingerous for his bagillion dollars in donations from big oil. This ad, about McCain’s oil lobby connections, is the ad MoveOn should be raising money to run; not this weird mess with that guy from Boy Meets World. (also remember how that girl was named Topanga what was that?)
Gay Marry It
Commentator David Gergen, for expressing more succinctly than any commentator on television the outright racism of John McCain’s campaign. Gergen rightly asserted that McCain is overtly pushing the “uppity black” stereotype in his television ads.
Abort It
Oh my god Joe Lieberman just STOP! This week alone he said that campaign attack ads are “good fun” and called Barack Obama “a good young man” on Meet the Press this morning while droning on about Obama’s “celebrity status.” I’m so sick of this guy! Also can we abort Bill Clinton already? We know, we know just stop talking okay? Until 2009? We know you don’t like Barack Obama just zip it.
Gay Marry It
Riding the bus! I just took a Chinatown from New York to Philly, and even though a Chinese woman hit me with a book and I sat next to a woman who was feeding her baby Doritos it was totally great. Like other forms of mass transit, buses (Greyhound in particular) are seeing a serious spike in traffic.
Abort It
The Wall Street Journal, for this batshit crazy opinion piece about how more people buying Priuses could make gas prices go up.
Gay Marry It
The new ban on toxic ingredients in toys.
Abort It
The Exxon-Mobil lobbyist who argued that if you ban certain toxins in toys, manufacturers will just find new, unregulated, even-more-toxic things to put in toys and then more kids will die. Nice.
Gay Marry It
Michael Douglas for passing out drunk on Catherine Zeta Jones in the middle of the afternoon, in public.
Abort It
Fatal Attraction: A Greek Tragedy starring Corey Feldman.
Bonus Pinko Punditry
My informed guess: McCain names a running mate Wednesday, and it’s Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty. Pawlenty, who once joked about how his wife won’t have sex with him, is widely rumored to be gay. Another barrier broken! The dark horse: Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Palin is a woman, and McCain thinks choosing a woman could lock up some ex-Clinton supporters who apparently won’t notice that he’s anti-choice, anti-birth control, and against pay equity. Also Palin hates polar bears and used her office to get revenge against her sister’s mean ex-husband. Nice! The other dark horse: Connecticut Governor Jodi Rell, who should be disqualified for having a name that ends in an “i”. She probably hates polar bears too; I’m not sure. Talking Points Memo is hearing that Jewish Virginia Congressman Eric Cantor might be McCain’s choice. Are there Jews in Virginia?
As for Obama’s choice, I’m betting on an 8/13 announcement of Senator Evan Bayh from Indiana. He’s the dullest person alive but I think it’s going to happen.
Your thoughts?
Lastly, a bonus Abort It
Who ARE these boys? How shameless.
Ideas for next week? Anything good we missed this week? Just Email us! Or drop ideas in the comments.
About The Author - Ben Wyskida is a writer, activist, conscientious hedonist and political communications strategist living in Brooklyn. - Visit Ben's site.
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My thoughts are I can think of 200 other politicians who are more dull than Bayh, including several who were mentioned for VP this time around. And 8/13 won’t happen - that’s the middle of the Olympics.
He wouldn’t be that bad and there are WAY more boring people. I’d prefer someone wildly progressive, but I’d also like to be eating a molten chocolate lava cake right now and also be rich beyond my wildest dreams. I am not so sure the Olympics will block them from trying to make news though — the Olympics run right into the conventions, and they will want to announce before the conventions.
Sarah Palin would be an effective choice for him I fear. OR Michael Douglas. Clearly Michael Douglas. “I’m Andrew Shepard and i AM the President. Oh MAN that’s good.”
is that obama-wes clark effort gaining any traction? Or Corey Feldman maybe.
the bloggers are ALL about Wes Clark yea — there is enthusiasm:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/8/1/112119/9352
he’s still getting heat for his totally true statements about how being shot down from a plane and then tortured in a cage aren’t qualifications for being president.
(i added the cage. but still)
oh those boys are CUTE! make sure you expand to the full image woof.
that last comment doesn’t make me gay or anything.
Pawlenty-Crist in ‘16!
(still not gay.)
im hearing ME for VP. i know i ran Hewlett-Packard into the ground but im the shit. and FUCK Meg Whitman uh-uh.
A couple of things to keep in mind here:
• Obama could use his $5 million Olympics ad buy to announce his VP, thus pushing two stories at once (the second being Obama’s fundraising dominance)
• The Republican convention is a few days after the Dem convention. It would be cutting it close, but McCain could announce his VP choice AFTER the Dem convention and step on Obama’s post convention bounce.
I think McCaingerous might do that actually — traditionally you don’t step on the opposing convention, but then again traditionally you don’t imply that your opponent is an oversexed negro who is going to steal white women away from middle class white men either, so who knows.
Oh God, please don’t let it be Evan Bayh!! The guy is an anti-progressive DLC wimpo lameass afraid of his own shadow because his liberal daddy Senator lost re-election in 1980 to Dan Quayle because of the “Reagan Revolution.” I’m so sick and tired of these Democrats who have bought into the line that we’re a conservative country and so spend all their time lecturing Democrats that they can’t stand for anything at all.
Evan Bayh is one of the worst possible people Obama could pick. As Bayh is so fond of saying, “do Democrats want to vent or to govern?” He’s just a baby Joe Lieberman.
It may sound cliche, but in my mind Obama has two choices: Go big or go home. Let’s just say that Evan Bayh does not fit in the “go big” category…
I say go with the asshole general who says things people don’t like.
Yeah, Welsey Clark would be great …
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[...] Not to brag, but someone predicted Sarah Palin would be McCain’s Vice-President a full month before he chose her. [...]