Pinko Magazine Hedonism + Activism

Today I got an invitation to an event featuring my all-time favorite tactic in non-profit communications: the probably-not-really-coming turnout-boosting-phantom guest. The event is a reception at the Democratic National Convention promoting a campaign for a single-payer health care system. The guest? Michael Moore.

The probably-not-really-coming turnout-boosting-phantom guest works like this: You do your invite and include all the things that are really happening. List the date, time and place. Describe the music, appetizers and cocktails. List the people who are really coming. List the people who are really speaking. Then you go for it:

Michael Moore (invited)

Yes! It’s okay. We’ve all done it. With that one parenthetical you transform your event from a polite cocktail party featuring speakers nobody has heard of into a sensation. Is he coming? Who knows. Will people turn out for him? Of course. But whatever happens you an always say, oh, geez, well I invited him, and so it’s fine. I love it.

Years ago I used to organize rallies and protests and I quickly learned that there are three ways to play the probably-not-really-coming turnout-boosting-phantom guest:

1. The headfake. This is when a guest might actually come. Will they? Who the fuck knows. But they could. The event above is a good example: Michael Moore will be in Denver. He cares about health care. Someone with the organization knows him. He might actually come. Nobody knows.

2. The threat. Let’s say you wanted to protest New York Governor David Paterson for … oh, I don’t know … proposing a dangerous and infantile tax reform plan that would strip the New York Public School system of its last scraps of hope and dignity. Who do you invite to that protest? New York Governor David Paterson! He won’t actually come (why would he?) but you have something to work with. Scream “We invited Governor Patterson to be here tonight but he couldn’t make the time to join us” into your hand-held portable public address system and people will freak out He shunned us! He was invited. Oh girl he done.

(My favorite use of this is when 9-11 truth groups invite George W. Bush to their tribunals to try George W. Bush for the murders of all World Trade Center employees. He never comes and it makes them so mad!)

3. The lie. This is when you know someone isn’t coming but you just say it anyway. It’s shameless. Watch we can do it right now:

Dear Pinko Fans,

Hey what’s up? We wanted everyone to know that tomorrow is special guest blogger day at PinkoMag.com. Don’t miss it!

What: Special Blogger Day.

When: August 14th, noon-6.

Where: The internet.

Who:

Ben Wyskida

Stirling McLaughlin

Sarah McLachlan (invited)

Your reaction: What!? Sarah McLachlan is blogging for you guys tomorrow! Maybe she’s Stirling’s cousin or something. ADIA 4 EVR I’m there! Is Sarah McLachlan really blogging for us tomorrow? Of course not. But I could certainly ask her to, and if you liked her you would come back and see if she showed. Sometimes an organization will add a different parenthetical just to add authenticity:

Ben Wyskida (confirmed)

Stirling McLaughlin (confirmed)

Sarah McLachlan (invited)

The “confirmed” parenthetical invites trust. It means we’re really looking out for you.

What I don’t know if how effective a tactic the phantom guest really is. Have you been fooled? Or trusted and met someone incredible at some event you never thought they’d show for? I always think it’s a little sad. I care about health care; the party sounds fun. I would go whether Michael Moore comes or not and it was nice of them to invite me. They had me at “cocktails.”

About The Author - Ben Wyskida is a writer, activist, conscientious hedonist and political communications strategist living in Brooklyn. - Visit Ben's site.