Pinko Magazine Hedonism + Activism

Right…

“The fact that human adults consume huge quantities of dairy products made from milk that was meant for a baby cow just doesn’t make sense,” says PETA Executive VP Tracy Reiman  “Everyone knows that ‘the breast is best,’ so Ben & Jerry’s could do consumers and cows a big favor by making the switch to breast milk.”

Sure doesn’t make sense Tracy! I wonder who thought of this one…

Dear PETA,

On behalf of women with breasts, our more than 3 billion supporters and handful of naysayers I’d like to bring YOUR attention to an innovative  new idea from reality called “what the fuck are you fucking kidding me.” Let’s, for the sake of whoever might want to, go through this logically.

How many gallons of milk will women need to pump out to keep Ben and Jerry’s in business? Will this encourage more human breeding? As an environmentalist organization, i am sure that Ben and Jerry’s is all about strengthening the borders between  pre-born and born. So if you haven’t already today, change your ring, take your pill, get a shot…!

And what about their website interactive feature “From Cow to Cone?” What will come of this if the milk originates in lady boobs? Many, many adolescent boys will.

Speaking of the wee ones, what are the young babes of the nation to do for nutrition while their mommies are pumping their titties for profit? Starve? Drink formula?  (ed. note looking into possible clandestine Gerber-PETA merger).

And I agree with you, its very upsetting that because “cows only produce milk during and after pregnancy…cows are forcefully impregnated every nine months.” But don’t you think that capitalism would force us to apply this model to women?( BEN: I want to link to a picture of  palin and her 700 children.) I say, better them than us.

And yes, hell yes, the breast is totally best-UNLESS you are a man, androgynous, a gymnast or trying to sleep with my boyfriend.

Sincerely,

A girl with boobs who would not like to be conflated with a cow

About The Author - Dinelle is an import to New York from the more green, but less hedonistic city of San Francisco. She recently dropped her delusions of "freelance writing" right out of college and got an internship at The Nation. Where she does stuff for them for free (almost). She wants to save the world, but also loves expensive puppies and can't help but feel the two can't be reconciled. - Visit Dinelle's site.