Gay Marry It … or Abort It? Hanukkah Edition.
Dec 21st, 2008 | By benwyskida | Category: Essentials, Politics
The story of Hanukkah is tough because instead of being a cautionary tale for sustainability, it veers suddenly at the end into a metaphor for the Bush Administration energy policy:
1. Take a finite resource. (Heating oil.)
2. Know you only have enough of that resource for a brief period of time. (In this case a day.)
3. Pray vigorously.
4. God swoops in and grants a benevolent miracle, i.e. oil for eight days.
5. Drill bubbe drill.
Still, the story always stood as a powerful symbol of luck and good fortune for the Jews, and a reminder that sometimes when we’re not being driven into the desert and shoah-ed on and injusticed and what-what, good things can happen. To celebrate that hope and spirit we’re dedicating our gay marry it … or abort it? this week to the festival of lights. It’s what’s hot and what’s not, for Hanukkah. To the list!
GAY MARRY IT
Holocaust movies with hot naked teenage boys and extensive side-boob impeccable art direction, brilliant performances and a beautiful score.
ABORT IT
Holocaust charities getting robbed by that Madroff guy. He took money from ELIE WIESEL for fuck sake that’s terrible!
GAY MARRY IT
Organic, fair trade Hanukkah gelt.
ABORT IT
This remarkably bad pun about Jews and candy.
GAY MARRY IT
The gift every Jewish child wants, Barack Obama paper dolls.
ABORT IT
Their lily white skin tone. What’s going on?
GAY MARRY IT
The alternative energy menorah, with candleholders inscribed with the laser-cut symbols for biofuel, electric car, wind power, clean coal, nuclear, natural gas, solar and hydropower. “If the Maccabbees fought for freedom from foreign occupiers,” notes the product description, “America is now struggling for freedom from foreign oil despots.”
ABORT IT
GAY MARRY IT
Hanukkah Harry.
ABORT IT
Hanukkah Bush.
GAY MARRY IT
Potato pancakes.
ABORT IT
GAY MARRY IT
ABORT IT
GAY MARRY IT
When Hanukkah and Christmas happen at the same time.
ABORT IT
When Hanukkah is spelled Chanukah.
GAY MARRY IT
That time that Judith went back to that bad guys tent and made him think they were going to have it, then she got him drunk and gave him lots of cheese and he passed out and she beheaded him, and then she went to all the male Jewish elders and was all “Look, if someone conquers our people we have to fuck them up … Here’s a severed head … Step it up, guys” and because of that we’re supposed to eat cheese during Hanukkah.
ABORT IT
Sarah Palin.
About The Author
Ben Wyskida is a writer, activist, conscientious hedonist and political communications strategist living in Brooklyn. - Visit Ben's site.
