A child is born from on (oxycontin) high.
Dec 30th, 2008 | By benwyskida | Category: Politics
FR: Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston
TO: Alaska Department of Health and Child Welfare
RE: Get me the f&$* out of here.
December 30, 2008
To whom it may concern,
Please consider this my official petition to be gotten the f&$* away from these people. Seriously. I was just born yesterday and today Aunt Willow took my stuffed dog and drew a red target on its face. Mom keeps asking me if I want "breast moose" and I don't even know what that means. Uncle Trig is like, no help at all. You have to get me out of here. Let's review my case:
(1) MOM AND DAD. They conceived me on one of those benches in the back of the rink. It's fine. They say they're getting married but who are we kidding. Dad was IM'ing with Lauren Conrad from the hospital. He's "sex on skates!" It's total bullshit. Mom isn't even finished high school, and also she might be Uncle Trig's mom too but nobody knows. Can the wolves raise me?
(2) GRANDMOTHER JOHNSTON. Everyone thought she was cooking meth, they knew it for months, it was kind of glamorous right? She wasn't even cooking meth though, she was selling oxy contin! That's mad shady. I guess if Sarah Palin was about to be my baby daughters baby daughters baby gramma I'd want some painkillers too but seriously.
(3) GRANDMA SARAH AND GRANDPA TODD. Okay. What are they going to take care of me? Mom was nobody
, and then she pulled all this nasty abortion talk and then she was Mayor of Wasila, then she lost Wasila all this money so we could have the skate arena where mommy and daddy made me on the bench that time, then she was GOVERNOR and Troopergate and the winking ... it's a lot. Yesterday she swaddled me in $312,481 in unreported Nieman-Marcus dresses. Grandpa Todd is fine I guess but he's always texting Grandma about troopers to fire and budget items to cut. They have bigger things on their plate. Also mom said someone named UNCLE JIM DOBSON was coming to talk to the whole family about something called 2012? That can't be good.
I think the kid would be better off raised by wolves … or moose.
Holy shit! That kid is a frikkin’ genius!!!
He does ramble a bit though…
Poor little moose child…
[...] Oh! Well, I’m certain Sarah Palin would destroy the country. And I know she thinks I’m out to destroy it, especially after we wrote that fake letter from Bristol and Levi’s son Tripp to the Alaska Depa…. [...]
[...] I'm finally reading Rick Perlstein's excellent book, Nixonland, and the similarities are disturbing. Nixonland charts the rise of an unscrupulous, polarizing political figure who suffers a national defeat, "quits" politics and tells the press that he's leaving the world stage, then fashions a stunning political comeback by stirring the pot of race and class warfare for his own political gain. We know how that ended. From page 46: Nixonland … is the America where two separate and irreconcilable sets of apocalyptic fears coexist in the minds of two separate and irreconcilable groups of Americans. The first – enemies of Richard Nixon … take it as an axiom that if Richard Nixon and the values associated with him triumph, America itself might end. The second group believe … as did Nixon … that if the enemies of Richard Nixon triumph, the Alger Hisses and Helen Gahagan Douglases … the hippies … and all the rest – America might end. Oh! Well, I'm certain Sarah Palin would destroy the country. And I know she thinks I'm out to destroy it, especially after I wrote a fake letter from Bristol and Levi's son Tripp to the Alaska Department of…. [...]
Ben Wyskida is a psychotic. Ben, if you read this comment, remember that what you wrote amounts to nothing but a piece of shit, the language that you use makes me sick. You are a low life. You call this piece of trash an article.
I will stick with the Wall Street Journal, the only remaining thing I can read in this country.