Well it’s been 48 hours and I still can’t stop trying to make sense of Sarah Palin. What I’ve decided at this point is that she’s actually a character from that show V, and even though we think her words aren’t making any sense they’re actually commanding us to hate community organizers and get our sister’s ex-boyfriends fired from their jobs. AMERICA IS LOOKING NORTH TO THE FUTURE. What? Ahhhh! Also I don’t know why people aren’t calling her out for lying about that magnet. Do you really think anyone has a magnet that says “Don’t explain things. Your friends don’t need you to and your enemies won’t believe you anyway?” I googled it – no magnet. That is not a magnet. So either her parents have been spending some time on CafePress or she is a total liar. 

My boyfriend is freaked out because her resignation means we may never know the truth about whether or not Trig is really her baby. The people at PalinDeception.com are pretty worked up and they should be. An eight-hour flight, with leaking amniotic sac! No sign of pregnancy! WILL WE EVER KNOW? I don’t know. The whole thing is insane. 

In honor of Governor Palin’s “long time in the works” resignation that her own father in law, brother and the entire Alaska State Senate didn’t know about, we’re devoting this week’s list of what’s hot/not, and best/worst to things that can only be filed under “What the fuck?” or “holy fucking shit.” There were lots. To the list! 

Gay Marry It

Gail Collins, for the most effective column so far eviscerating Sarah Palin’s insane backyard salmon bake slash press conference. 

Abort It

Palin spokeswoman Meg Stapleton, for spending literally a minute on CNN extending the Palin-as-point-guard metaphor into such complicated territory that Anderson Cooper had to tell her to stop. Have you seen this? Watch every second! Watch at least until cute little Anderson scratches his head and says “I don’t know who the ball is supposed to be here and who the hoop is supposed to be here.” 

Gay Marry It

Paul Krugman, Dean Baker, Joe Stiglitz, Katrina vanden Heuvel and the dozens of economists, journalists, pundits and experts who were all “hey! The stimulus won’t be enough! And it’s not really a stimulus with all those tax cuts. And now we need another one!” 

Abort It 

Joe Biden today  for saying on ABC’s This Week that the Obama Administration “misread” how bad the economy was. Not everyone, Mr. Vice President! 

Gay Marry It

Some important first steps towards curbing global warming and creating green jobs. Also this interesting article from The Atlantic offers some hopeful signs that the expanding market for green energy may be making an impact. 

Abort It

Shooting ceramic frisbees out of a satellite at the sun and/or pumping sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere from a blimp to deal with climate change later instead of just stopping it now. This insane article from The Atlantic looks at some of the incredible but actually plausible, “on the shelf” solutions available right now to correct instead of stop climate change, and the conservatives who love them. Read it! 

Gay Marry It 

North Korea for not nuking Hawaii on America’s birthday. Thanks guys! We appreciate it. 

Abort It

South Carolina for not making their Governor quit and also for having an insane serial killer. 

Gay Marry It

Michael Jackson, not only for a long musical career but also for trying to purchase, lock stock and barrel, all eight of Octomom’s babies. 

Abort It 

Kevin Jonas, who announced his engagement this week. Call me an asshole, but the only reason a 21-year old and a 20-year old get married this quick minus a pregnancy is because they are trying to “wait until marriage.” Maybe she told him to put a ring on it; maybe she told him that she was tired of backing it up instead of crossing the ultimate line, but you don’t see Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgins getting married right now do you? 

Gay Marry It

Senator Al Franken! His victory speech, especially the moments about his wife and family, was really great. 

Abort It

The New York State Senate. Not sure if you’re following the twists and turns here, but the Senate has been deadlocked ever since two anti-gay-marriage Democrats (one under investigation for massive campaign fraud, the other under investigation for trying to stab his girlfriend with a broken bottle) announced they were Republicans, leaving the Senate in a 31-31 tie and nobody in charge. The Governor is trying to not pay them and both sides are literally resorting to tactics including turning out the lights in the Senate Chamber. 

Bonus Gay Marry It: New York City’s fireworks last night. Gothamist has a great slideshow. 

Comments? Ideas? Anything we missed? Let us know below.

About The Author
Ben Wyskida is a writer, activist, conscientious hedonist and political communications strategist living in Brooklyn. - Visit Ben's site.