Pinko Magazine Hedonism + Activism

Some people know that Raffaello Follieri as an Italian con-man who defrauded investors by pretending to be a real estate agent form the Vatican or some shit. Others know him as the dude who got a serious blow j from made out with then girlfriend Anne “Princess Diaries” Hathaway on his yacht.

Well, in a new photo just released by The Nation, Millionaire playboy and International celebutant® John McCain can be seen boarding Raffaello Follieri’s sex yacht in the racistly named country of Montenegro back in 2006.

Apparently Follieri, who just recently pleaded guilty in Manhattan to wire fraud, money laundering and conspiracy, was holding a little Love Boat themed birthday party for McCain’s 70th. The only people in the photo who have been identified so far are Follieri, Hathaway and McCain. Some are speculating that the other man pictured may be Rick Davis. Or maybe it’s Gavin MacLeod?

No news yet as to what they may have talked about. Or what the did on the boat…

According to an intelligence report being prepared for the next president, US dominance will decline in “political, economic and arguably, cultural arenas.” (Did we ever have dominance in cultural areas?) This is assuming, of course, the world isn’t swallowed by a black hole, destroyed by nuclear warfare in the Middle East, or reclaimed by God.

Isn’t this a time for a real hero to be in the White House…one with a sexy action figure to prove it?

So I voted in my local primary yesterday, thanks to a lot of pushy canvasers lambasting me while I was walking my dog. None of them seemed to know anything about the candiates dog related policies, but they complimented Baxter’s unique coloring, and asked me if I was going to vote. I lied and said yes, then, feeling guilty about the lie, wandered over to the polling place to cast a ballot. I had no idea about either of the candidates for state senate and didn’t really care to rush home for some internet research. So, taking democracy very seriously, I based my decision on who had cuter canvasers. Martin Connor, 30 year incumbent in the New York State Senate sent a rather obese and weating gentleman to hand out fliers, while Daniel Squadron, wealthy young upstart, sent youthful men and women who smelled faintly of Gaultier. Sold. I cast my vote for Squadron, he won, and now I write my first piece of political punditry of the season (watch out Matthews): The winner of this election and all future elections will be the one who can turn out the most attractive campaign volunteers.

I urge you all to prove or disprove me on this by sending photos along with primary results. Perhaps we’ll make a graph.

[Editors Note: There was a local primary yesterday? Yikes.] 

Yesterday, at a campaign event in Virginia, Barack Obama employed an old southern colloquialism to describe Senator McCain’s assertion that he is now the candidate of change. Here is what Obama said:

“John McCain says he’s about change too, and so I guess his whole angle is, ‘Watch out George Bush – except for economic policy, health care policy, tax policy, education policy, foreign policy and Karl Rove-style politics – we’re really gonna shake things up in Washington.’

That’s not change. That’s just calling something the same thing something different. You know you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig. You know you can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called change, it’s still going to stink after eight years. We’ve had enough of the same old thing.”

The McCain camp only heard the words “Lipstick” and “Pig” and thought “Sarah Palin!”… Nice.

The campaign quickly put out a statement decrying Obama’s ’sexist’ smear. They even did one of those little iMovie projects they call “campaign ads” and gave it to the media so they can dutifully play it non-stop between now and November.

And what about the New York Post headline? “Lipstick Bungle“. I just love the New York Post!!

Of course Barack Obama wasn’t talking about Sarah Palin. He was using an old cliche, one McCain frequently uses himself, to talk about the other candidate’s platform. To that end I actually think the fish line was better.

But the part that really kills me is that Obama would have been perfectly justified in using this common idiom in reference to Sarah Palin. Only she isn’t the pig. She is the lipstick.

The oddly familiar Republican platform is the pig.

Oink.

Boy it sure would be nice if she knew someone in some position of authority somewhere who could maybe do something about this:

Anyone know anybody who works at the State Department?

According to the LA Times, we’ve made Iraqis fat. And yes, the headline is actually “Another Iraqi Casualty of War: Their Waistlines.”

For Said, the next step is learning to eat tiny portions totaling about 2,500 calories a day, a fraction of what he used to consume. That means giving up the delicious mounds of chicken, beef, sheep’s head and fish, along with honey-soaked sweets like baklava, that his mother used to make for him.

I have to level with you here. While we pride ourselves on being a “lifestyle magazine”, between now and November we will most likely look a hell of a lot like a political blog. I wish I could change that. I really do. But the fact is we have way too much crap to talk about and very little time left to do so. We just aren’t going to have much of an opportunity to get to all the good stuff.

But I also hear your pain. People are sick of Sarah Palin. Its only been a few days but I am already getting notes from people who are fed up. Her presence on the national stage is like nails on a chalkboard for many, many people. I agree! I’m just trying to do everything I can to keep us all from having to hear that ghastly sound for the next 4-16 years.

But for the moment, I offer a reprieve. Here are 5 things that have absolutely nothing to do with Sarah Palin (or politics or saving the world or being a better person). Enjoy it while it lasts… (more…)

Ingredients

4 lb Ripened moose
Salt and pepper
1/8 ts Cloves
1/2 c Water
1 Onion, sliced
1 c Milk
4 Strips salt pork
1/8 ts Cinnamon
2/3 c Claret or weak vinegar
1/2 Bay leaf
1 c Claret or cranberry juice

Trim off any musty parts of moose and lard with salt pork. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, cinnamon and cloves. Marinate in claret or vinegar for 2 to 3 days in cold place. Drain, place in baking pan, add water, cover and cook in slow oven (300 degrees) about 1 hour. Add bay leaf, onion and claret or cranberry juice, cover and cook until tender, about 1 hour longer. Remove meat and add milk to drippings. Heat to boiling and serve with moose. Serves 6 to 8.

Okay. I really want to write about something other than Sarah Palin but I’m just obsessed. Everyone is. What will we learn next!? Did she really call Barack Obama “sambo?” Is there more news about the trooper? What books did she try to ban!? Is Todd really the father of the down syndrome baby? For the love of god can we get ONE bad facebook photo of Bristol-Baby-Daddy-Levi shirtless? He fine, even if he is about to enter another Palin sister maybe? an ill-advised, loveless marriage destined to end in divorce.

That week in St. Paul dodging Republicans and sucking down tear gas residue is a lot for a boy, but nothing raises the spirits more than a good wholesome Gay Marry It … or Abort It? Time to Gay Marry the things we love and Abort the things we don’t. To the list! 

(more…)

Today McCain supporters distributed 12,000 mini American flags at a rally in Colorado Springs. They claimed they “rescued” the flags from Obama’s acceptance speech in Denver were they found them in the trash. What?! They were just going to throw away flags! That’s not change you can believe in!

Shortly after the news broke, the DNC put out a statement. I’m paraphrasing here but the basic gist was “You motherfuckers! We’ve been looking for those flags! We didn’t throw away shit! We need those flags!!”

Isn’t it enough that they have the entire world believing that Barack Obama is an infant killing terrorist who tried to blow up the capitol building when he was 8? Now McCain’s people have to go and steal a gaggle of flags from Invesco Field just to shove the “Obama isn’t patriotic enough” talking point down our fucking throats one more time?!

Either that, or McCain’s campaign is so flat busted that they can’t afford their own mini flags.